The godly character that you have helps your husband become the man of God he was intended to be. The ungodly character that a wife holds on to can hinder her husband from becoming the man of God he is to become. This does not mean that your husband has no responsibility of his own, or that God is impotent in any way. It only means that you as his wife have the responsibility from God to build up the right spirit, outlook and disposition in yourself so that you can be all you need to be as your husband’s helpmate, and the mother of his children. God will be generous with a helpmate like this.
God favors the wife who helps her husband with his responsibility as the provider of his family. She is determined to do her best to live within her husband’s means so she can be at home with her children. She protects her husband’s masculinity by being content with what they can afford and making their home-life happy and peaceful.
If her husband doesn’t make enough to provide for his family – she goes to God believing He will help her to see how they can live on less, and to find bargains, or to see a way she can still be at home with the children while bringing in a little more income. When there are no more children at home she is free to work outside the home, but she never expects her husband to come home from work to an empty house and to fix his own dinner. If she must be absent she has prepared a meal for him before she leaves. She has left a note for him showing her loving thought of him.
Pampering herself with massages and facials is not the thinking of a virtuous woman. Spending money on physical improvements so she can feel better about herself is not her way. She is convinced that true beauty comes from godly character, and that relaxing is about her peace with God. Her early morning time with the Lord does for her what worldly women believe body treatments do for them.
A wife is not capable of knowing her husband’s full worth and potential. God is the only one with this knowledge and vision. God has not allowed women to fully understand men, nor men to fully understand women. We just need to respectfully enjoy and benefit from our distinct differences by working together for our Father’s glory and pleasure. It’s about “completion not competition.” God puts two people together who will do amazing things with Him. So don’t try to completely understand your husband or you will ruin your marriage. Some things are best left as mysteries. I finally gave up and I’m a happier woman because of it and my husband is happier too.
Wife, God forms your character through your faithfulness and honest prayers. Your good character is built as you love and serve your husband and take all your concerns to the Lord. You don’t need to be worried about the “what ifs” if your faith is in God and His promises. Your faith in what God has said in His Word is stronger than all your doubts and fears.
The quiet and gentle spirit of a humble praying wife can win the meanest man over to kindness and faith in God. This is one of the wonderful things done by a wife’s “humble submission.” (1 Peter 3:1-6) Submission is not to be done out of fear, but out of faith in what God can do that He claims in His Word.
God does not expect any woman to keep taking the “mean” behavior of her husband as though it was her lot in life. Your heavenly Father releases you from your marriage contract if your husband continues to abuse you because you are His daughter living under HIS ROOF. (Numbers 30:3-5)
Your heavenly Father can break your word/vow/promise if He did not agree with it. He can break it at any time He sees fit. While you are living under your earthly father’s roof (authority and protection) your father also has the right to break your word/vow/promise that you make to someone – if your father sees that there is something not right with the man you have given your word to. This of course is talking about a good father with common sense.
Abuse and adultery are two legitimate reasons for separation and/or divorce. In the case of adultery you have the option to forgive him so that the two of you can work out the problem with help. In the case of adultery – most the time a wife is just as much to fault as the husband is. What leads up to the act of adultery should be taken seriously and personally. Most the time the reason a husband starts noticing other women is because his wife is not paying attention to him; not concerned for his physical and emotional needs, or for his job and challenges in life.
In the case of physical abuse you will need to separate and go to God for what you need to see about your husband and understand about yourself. Most times, an abusive man has come from being abused himself. (Most times, a woman will chose a man based on how she was treated by her father.) Keep a spirit of forgiveness and keep praying for God to heal him and set him free from his deep wounds. Temporary separation is good; it gives you both the time to think, get close to the Lord in His Word and prayer, and get the help you need – so you can truly heal and be free to come back together and live the life God intends.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3
“I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them….Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.” Hosea 14:4-9
In many cases an abusive person remains that way because no one loves him enough to pray for him, or because he refuses the extended hand of the Lord; the help and deliverance he truly needs. If one is unwilling to change, then a divorce is inevitable unless the willing one commits to putting up with it in order to pray and trust God to work. If both are unwilling to change then a divorce is inevitable, but a divorce won’t help either of you, it will only ruin the next relationship you enter into.
God works meanness out of a man when someone begins to pray for God’s good to come. Sometimes He works it out by removing him off the face of the earth. Sometimes He works it out through personal hardships and losses. But in any case, God works it out with His loving kindnesses. God’s loving kindness will be revealed through pain and suffering. The same is true for a “mean wife.”
When you see hardship, loss or death happen to your husband – do not give way to fear. Entrust yourself, and your children, to the Lord. Remain steadfast in prayer with the hope of God’s promises. This hope, the hope that is anchored to God’s love and principles, will never disappoint you. God makes every one of His promises good to the promise clinger. Don’t be afraid of what is happening to your husband, how it will affect you and the children. Believe me; God knows exactly how to touch your husband without it hurting you and the children.
Many times your husband will amaze you with how foolish he can be, but be careful not to judge him for it. Remember that God isn’t finished with him, or you yet. (God has an appointed time when all will be judged.) Most adult men still think and act like boys who haven’t learned how to control themselves and aren’t taking their manly responsibilities seriously enough. But, they don’t need ‘mommies’ anymore and they don’t need their wives to ‘criticize’ them either. They need a wife with godly character and a God-appointed man to lead them on in what men are all about. Pray for one!
Above all, don’t forget what you first saw in your husband that you liked so much to marry him. Only God can change your husband. God sees us finished, but we don’t have this same privilege or advantage point.
Women don’t fully understand what makes a man into a godly man and because of that blissful ignorance we are only responsible for how well we live up to God’s standard of a woman so that WE grow up in the character that pleases our Father God.
Women have believed (the lie) that to be just a wife, mother and home-maker is not impressive or praiseworthy. That’s because worldly women are not impressed with the life of the woman God honors. The so-called women’s movements with their protests and marches are nothing more than women showing their resentment of true womanhood and their extreme anger with God. Yet, their Creator Father says His design of womanhood is the highest honor and calling a woman can have.