Relationships – Chapter 6

What are the causes for conflicts?

 

It is important for us to understand some of the causes for conflicts.  Just like we do not grow in a vacuum, conflicts do not happen without some other things in play.  We need to see what these are so that we might deal with them.

 

Perhaps one of the greatest causes for conflicts is pride.  Proverbs 13:10 says: “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”  I know when there is any disunity that at the heart of the matter is pride.  We might try to cover it up with excuses, but the Bible says it is simply pride.

 

What I mean about pride is thinking that ‘my way is better.’ Whenever there is comparison pride is there. Think through any relationship where there has been a conflict and see if pride was not at the heart of the matter.

 

Isn’t this what James is talking about in James 4:1-3, 6-8 “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”

 

The solution for pride is found in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and in 1 Peter 5:5, “Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”

 

Another cause of conflicts is self-centeredness, another part of pride. 

 

Isaiah 53:6 says “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”  Between these two “alls” we have the gospel in a nutshell.  But what it brings out is that we are self-centered people.

 

So often we are like little children wanting our own way and if we do not get it we will throw our tantrums (have our conflicts). 

 

Scripture has much to say about this.  We need to meditate on I Corinthians 13, this great chapter on love, where it says that love does not seek its own.  Or, perhaps we need to go to Philippians 2 where we have the example of Christ: “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

 

Another cause of conflict can be found in Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”  This is a verse that few seem to understand and accept; just how deceitful our heart really is.

 

So often in a conflict people have their mind (judgment) already made up; the person cannot change because he/she will not change the mind that is set. What this does is it breaks down communication and when communication with one another goes down, so does the relationship.

 

Pride is destructive to relationships.

Daily Devotional

Son, let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. Some of My children will not all die, but will be transformed! It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. All who are living at this time will be transformed. Why? Because these dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; your mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies. It is the same way with those who have died. These earthly bodies are buried when they die, but soon they will be raised to live forever. Their bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. They are buried as natural human bodies, but they will be raised as spiritual bodies.

 

Son, tell My children not to act like the people of this world; for their ways are futile. Tell them to seek Me, and they will find Me. Tell them to take My promises seriously. Tell them I have chosen them, and I have examined their hearts and when I find integrity there, I rejoice! Tell them to be on guard, and to stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong, and do everything with love.

 

There are some of My shepherds who refuse to teach this. They have abandoned My word when they have refused to teach what it says entirely. These shepherds have lost their senses, and no longer seek wisdom from Me. Therefore, their flocks are scattered, and the things they fear will come upon them. 

 

Lord, you have examined my heart, and know everything about me. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape Your Spirit! I can never get away from Your presence. Search me, for You know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path for my life.

Daily Devotional

Son, don’t be childish in your understanding of what I want and what Satan wants; for we both want the same thing: your children!  I want godly children. Satan wants to corrupt and destroy your children.

 

Listen to the words of the so called wise teachers of the worldly education systems today. They twist the truth to control people by fear. They offer temporal treatments for the effects of sin and rebellion. They give assurances of how to find peace when there is no peace for the wicked. People who follow these teachers will hope for peace, but will find no peace. They will hope for healing in the land, but find only terror because they cling tightly to their lies and refuse the truth. Ask yourself, “Is anyone sorry for doing wrong?” Does anyone say, “What a terrible thing I have done.”?  No! All are running blindly down the path of evil and want no consequences for their actions. So how can people who follow these teachers say they know how to raise children?

 

Do they really think they can lie, steal, murder, commit adultery and mutilate their bodies and then say, “We have nothing to worry about. We are safe!” Do they think they have gotten rid of Me, or that I’m the only one that is hurt by what they do? How foolish; for they hurt themselves! When people refuse to listen to Me and do whatever they want, they are not progressing as they think. They are backwards, with backs to Me! They are worse than the previous generation.

 

When you tell them these truths, do not expect them to listen, and do not expect them to respond the way you hope; for they have refused the truth and believed the lie; unwilling to change.

 

Son, truth has vanished from your schools; it is no longer heard on the lips of these false teachers. I, the LORD, have rejected and forsaken the school system in America. I will not stay where I am not wanted.

 

As My faithful servant, Billy Graham, said to America in his younger years, “We have taken God out of our education systems and thought we could get away with it. We have sown the wind, and we are now reaping the whirlwind.”

 

Son, let Me tell you the right way to teach and raise your children. Let love be your highest goal, and understand that without love for others – you are nothing. My love is patient and kind; it’s not jealous or boastful, proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of personally being wronged. It does not rejoice over injustice but rejoices when the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. My love will last forever! When love rules your homes people will say, “God is truly here among you.”

 

Lord, I praise Your name, and I trust in Your unfailing love and faithfulness; for all of Your promises are backed by the power and honor of Your Name. As soon as I pray, You answer me. You encourage me by giving me strength through Your word. You will work out Your plan for me and my family’s lives because Your Word and faithful love endure forever.

 

Daily Devotional

Son, is there any place in America that has not been defiled. I wanted nothing more than to give the people this beautiful land, and look forward to them calling me “Father.”  I wanted them never to turn from Me. But, today they have chosen a different path and have forgotten Me. The people have been deceived by men’s promises, and have become stupid little children who have no understanding, and have no idea what is right, and how to do right. Therefore, they will watch as everything their forefather’s worked so hard for will be squandered on a delusion. The earth will mourn because of their stupidity.

 

What do I want? The leaders of America to understand and openly acknowledge that they have refused to listen to My voice. I want the people to plow up the hard ground of their hearts, and surrender their pride. Then I will give them leaders after My own heart who will guide them with true knowledge, understanding, wisdom and righteousness.

 

Lord, I am tired of writing about the sin and rebellion of America, but I am compelled by You to speak out what You have told me to say; for how terrible it would be for me if I do not obey You. You have entrusted this to me, so I must keep Your purpose before me, step by step, day by day, until You are done using me for Your glory.

 

Son, you will be successful if you carefully obey all that I ask of you. So be strong and courageous; do not be afraid of anything; do not lose heart by doubting what I have promised you. Do not live your life trying to please people; trust Me fully and I will always show you the way to go, and give you the words to speak. Build up your most holy faith in Me. Seek Me with all your heart, mind and strength, and build what I have called you to build.

 

Daily Devotional

Today as I read the paper I once again became angry at what is being removed from us slowly by the so called wise and loving people, or progressive thinkers of our day. These foolish people are the ones who call anyone who does not agree with them hateful, intolerant and backwards. These progressive thinkers are the ones who have no problem in the killing unborn babies, destroying the true family unit, and who ignorantly see or expect no consequence for their choices and actions.

 

Those of us that know the truth and have God’s laws written on our hearts – need to unite and stand up against these people. The minority is ruling the majority and unless the majority says, “I have had enough and I am not going to take this anymore,” it will get worse. Like Lily Tomlin once said, “I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.” 

 

“I hope we once again have reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: as government expands, liberty contracts.” Ronald Reagan.

 

Today people have been trained to think that if they have a problem – it’s the government’s job to solve it and manage it for them. These progressive thinkers want to control you with their fear tactics, they want to control your children with school education, and they want to control your money and possessions with empty promises.  

 

We, “the people” must go back to doing what early Americans did: look to themselves and restore personal duty and responsibility.  It’s our duty to not only provide for ourselves and our own families, free to worship our God and call on Him to help us, but to also look after our neighbor’s well-being. People have become used to living off “entitlements,” without any obligation to repay. 

 

“There’s no such thing as entitlement, unless someone has first met an obligation.” – Margaret Thatcher.

 

“Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.” George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman.

 

“The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.” Winston Churchill.

 

“What good is a miracle from God if we are not willing to follow through with what God intended for that miracle?” Carol Dietz

 

The Bible says that when His children are united they can ask for anything, and He will do it. Does our enemy know this? Yes he does!

Daily Devotional

Son, I am your Father, and I have been with you your whole life. You were cleansed, made holy, and made right with Me when you called on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, do not become a slave again to anything! Run from sexual sin; for no other sin so clearly affects your body as this one does. Sexual immorality is a sin against your own body, and your body is the temple of My Holy Spirit, who lives in you. Remember that you no longer belong to yourself; for I bought you with a high price. So honor Me with your body.

 

Son, do whatever you have in your right mind to do, for I am with you, and I will never take My favor from you. I will answer you before you even call to Me. While you are still talking about your needs, I will go ahead and answer your prayers. Someday soon My children will judge the world and angels. So learn to do what is just and right now!

 

Tell people that they need to understand that I am ready to respond, but no one is asking Me for anything; they don’t think they need My help. I am ready to be found, but no one is looking for Me. I said, “Here I am, here I am!” I opened my arms to them, but they wanted to follow their own evil paths and their own crooked schemes. All day long they insult Me to My face. Therefore, they have become a stench in My nostrils, an acrid smell that never goes away. For, I can see what they are doing, and I know what they are thinking. I will not stand silent, but will repay them in full because they deliberately sinned before My very eyes and chose to do what they know I despise. They will work in vain, and they will be doomed to misfortune. I will send them great trouble of all the things they feared.

 

O LORD, there is no one like You, and who am I, and what is my family, that You have brought us this far. You know what I am really like. I am Your servant; do as You have promised concerning me and my family. For when You grant a blessing, O LORD, it is an eternal blessing! I am counting on You, and I have put my hope in Your Word. For with You there is unfailing love.

Relationships – Chapter 5

Conflicts Can Be Growth Oriented

       

If we do not deal with a conflict in the right way it will become a problem.  A problem in this sense is an unresolved conflict and it can be quite damaging. 

 

Satan is always looking for an advantage through unresolved conflicts. 1 Peter 5:8 brings this out: “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” In the Body of Christ Satan knows that this is where he can do the most damage.

 

In Scripture we are told that we should not be unaware of his schemes.  We can understand Satan’s schemes when we consider what he is called.

 

Revelations 12:8-10 “The great dragon was hurled down – that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him. Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: ‘Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down.’”

 

In these verses we learn two things about Satan that we should be aware of:

1) Satan is known as the deceiver

2) Satan is known as the accuser 

 

When it comes to relationships we need to keep these two things in mind. We can see how he gains an advantage. Whenever a conflict comes up in a relationship Satan is there to deceive. One way that he does this is to get us to think that the conflict is not serious, or, that we should be spiritual and just rise above it, or that we should just pray about it.  All of this sounds good, but God tells us to go to our brother. (Matthew 5:23 and 18:15-17)

 

The last thing that Satan wants in any broken relationship is for us to be talking to one another. He will try to keep us separate and this is what he does through deceit. When we are not talking with the other person about the offense or conflict, like Jesus said, then Satan comes and begins to whisper in our ears accusations about the other person. Then we begin to see that everything the other person does – is against us. We then find that negative things about that person begin to build up in our mind. 

 

What may have seemed like a little mole hill has now become a mountain, or perhaps a volcano, and eventually it erupts so that the damage is great; perhaps it even seems beyond repair. Satan has done his work. We now have a real problem.

 

However, when a conflict arises and we work it out we can find that it results in spiritual growth. For example, when we work out the conflict we find that it can result in a deeper understanding of the person that we had the conflict with. Things that we did not know about him/her before, things like his/her background or fears, give us the understanding we need of what they are going through. When we begin to see this we not only have compassion for them, but also a deeper realization of the grace of God. 

 

In Hebrews 12:15 we are told: “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”  If we do not work out the conflict then a root of bitterness will spring up.  Bitterness to our spirit is like poison to our body; it kills.

 

However, in working through the conflict for the sake of the relationship we experience the grace and power of Ephesians 2:14-16 “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.”

 

Another very positive result of all of this is that we begin to develop a meaningful dialogue with one another. So often our dialogue is very shallow and self-centered, but the working out of a conflict tends to deepen our conversation with one another and our love for one another.

 

All of this of course, brings spiritual growth. We need to keep in mind that we grow by working through these daily conflicts with people.

Daily Devotional

Last Friday I was in a deposition with 20 lawyers. So when we broke for lunch I was joined by our attorney and the lead attorney. While we ate I asked them some questions, “How many items are needed to build this building?” “How many questions and answers were there asked and answered?” Both of them just looked at me as though they did not even care. Then I made a statement, “If you want to find wrong, follow the money. How much money do you think the general contractor made after all of his cost for a eight million dollar building? 200K is all! Subcontractors made even less; so who is making the money?” I then said, “Each of those attorneys in that room charge at least $300 per hour and this lawsuit will take years to resolve, so who is going to make the money?” I followed up with this, “Did buildings just start leaking in the last 30 years, and was it then that mold was found?”

 

Then in my quiet time today the Lord opened my eyes to the times I live in, and to see what America has become!

 

Son, watch out for smooth talking lawyers who cause divisions for they are only serving their own personal interests. Their glowing words are lies and their intent is to deceive people. They do not care about what is right, for their lawsuits are based on twisting the truth. Nothing they do is productive, and they have lost what it means to have common sense. Now even the courts oppose common sense, therefore justice will not be found.

 

When truth stumbles, and honesty is outlawed no one will have peace. People will be afraid of being in a lawsuit themselves. Therefore, there will be no justice and people will not know how to live without fear. Remember, that when truth is gone, people with common sense will be attacked.

 

Son, I am displeased to find there is no justice in America. I am amazed to see that no one in authority stands up to help the oppressed. Why? Is it because people love their sins? They have turned away from Me and will not listen. Their hands are the hands of murderers, and their fingers are filthy with corruption.  All their activity is filled with sin, and violence is their trademark. Because their sins are piled up, I the righteous Judge, will step in. 

 

Son, only people who understand the times will know the best course to take.

 

Lord, today I go back for the rest of that deposition. I am dreading it! Help me to know the best course of reasoning to take.  Before I answer their questions, give me the wisdom that overrules worldly wisdom and shames those who scheme and slander to win their case, no matter what.  I will trust in You and wait to speak so that the wicked are made fools of in my presence.

Daily Devotional

To my precious grandsons, Caleb, Jacob, Joshua, and Noah. Let an old man tell you how to have a great life. 

 

Don’t think you are better than you really are, but be honest in your evaluation of yourselves as you compare yourselves to Jesus. Give your bodies to God while you are young. Do not compromise with evil by copying the behavior and customs around you. Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Only then will you know what God’s pleasing and perfect will for you is. Be patient in times of trouble, by praying and listening to your Lord – with your ears wide open.

 

Remember that God’s gifts and call for your life can never be withdrawn, but you can make your calling very difficult by the choices you make. Hide the word of God in your heart, so that you will not sin. Be encouraged by the word of God; for it will be your only source of hope. Walk as free men who have devoted themselves to the will of God. When you understand the promise of God, it will revive and comfort you in all your troubles. Always compare your life by the word of God, and you will have good judgment and knowledge. When you realize that God’s word is eternal, you will have understanding and hope for the future. The word of God will be your lamp to guide your feet on His path for your life. The very essence of the word of God is TRUTH!

 

Rise early, before the sun is up, and get with your Lord God before you start your day. When you awaken through the night, don’t be frustrated or fearful, but think about all of His promises and kindness to you.

 

So if God asks you to speak for Him, only say what God has told you to say. Understand that God’s ways are higher than your ways, and His thoughts are higher than your thoughts. Remember, when God sends out His word through you, it always produces good fruit. It will accomplish all He planned, and it will prosper His Kingdom everywhere He sends it.

 

So be great men of faith by being “heads not tails.”

Relationships – Chapter 4

Resolving Conflicts

 

Acts 15:36-41 “Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.”

 

Whenever you bring two human beings together there will be the difference of opinions or a clash between two wills.  This is a good definition of a conflict.

 

Here in this passage of Scripture in Acts we see a conflict that came up between two godly men – the apostle Paul and Barnabas.  What caused this conflict?  It was a difference in opinion between these two men over another man by the name of John Mark.

 

One question that we might ask is: in this conflict between Paul and Barnabas who was right and who was wrong?  There are probably many arguments we could bring to buttress up the sides of both men to prove their side of the argument.  I believe that they were both right and in one sense they were both wrong.

 

A conflict will be a normal thing.  Whenever you bring two people together there will always be the difference of opinions, ideas, etc. A conflict, however, must be worked out and if it is, it can result in greater spiritual growth.  We will see this as we continue on with our weekly letters.

 

Take for example Paul and Barnabas.  Paul’s temperament is choleric.  He is out going and one to take over.  Barnabas, is a good example of a phlegmatic temperament.  He would be willing to sit back, take it easy and let the choleric take over.  The question is: is that what God wants?  I don’t believe so.

 

Barnabas was the one to find and disciple Paul.  In the beginning it was Barnabas and Saul, but later it changes to Paul and Barnabas.  It seems that Paul takes the lead and Barnabas with the gifts that God has given him takes a back seat. 

Barnabas has much to offer, but he seems unwilling to exert himself.

 

A conflict over John Mark takes place between Barnabas and Paul and they part company.  Barnabas takes John Mark and goes in another direction.  Although Scripture is silent about Barnabas from then on and concentrates more on Paul we know that God used Barnabas with John Mark, because Paul later on says: ‘send me John Mark because he is profitable for the ministry.’

 

In Hebrews 10:24 (“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”) I think it is interesting that the word used for spurring one another on is the same word used in Acts 15 where it says that Paul and Barnabas had a ‘sharp’ disagreement.  Here we see the word ‘spur’ and ‘sharp’ are the same Greek word.

 

What this shows me is that conflicts are not necessarily bad.  However, they do need to be worked out and when they are – it can result in spiritual growth.